Is self-compassion the most important life skill?

One of the more frequent themes for my clients is the ability to be harsh on themselves.  I have got a touch of it myself, in certain areas, as do all human beings. 

The feeling of not being good enough, smart enough, thin enough, rich enough etc., is as common as ants at a picnic, ready to devour the feast you've set out.  

Not holding oneself in high esteem is like a virus spreading it's tendrils throughout one's spirit and soul.  Sometimes you may be cruising through life, feeling good, when the yucky low self-esteem virus knocks on the door of your good feelings.

For some people low self-esteem is like an unwanted relative read more here........

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Something new is on the horizon at Saner Living central

I have been working hard this year to develop and create a unified on-line presence. My goal, as always, is to bring you great content on a regular basis to help you lead saner lives.

In this spirit, I have created a new blog called The Saner Living Guru.

This new blog will have the same great content and much more. 

I hope that you will all visit my new blog and subscribe to it.

I am going to move A Woman's Guide to Saner Living into my new blog. It will have it's own tab within my Saner Living Guru blog.

This change will happen over the next few weeks.  I will not delete WGSL blog for awhile in order to help ease the transition.

As I say frequently in my posts change is constant and often a good thing.  In this case, it's great.  It will allow me to bring more of the same great posts and different kinds of content in a more creative way.

I want your feedback about this move and what you think of my new blog.

Start chatting now by clicking the comment button below.

By the way, pass the word about my new blog and help me spread the word about saner living!

Mark Mother's Day with a mixture of gratitude and forgiveness

Mother's Day starts the second a women gives birth and continues each and every day thereafter.

May 8th is Mother's Day, the official day set aside to give thanks to mothers.

During the past thirty years that I have been helping people heal and create happier lives, mothers have been a universal feature in the story lines of my clients. 

For better or worse, we would not be alive without mothers.  Mothers have the awesome ability to create lives.

They also have the incredible responsibility to shape lives and this is where things can go amok.

Some women have an innate gift of mothering and do a fantastic job building  self-esteem, creating confidence and resiliancy in their children.

Other women struggle more to parent well but they hang in there, get help and support and do a good enough job of raising their children.

Yet some women fail miserably at this task.  They criticize, abuse, ignore, neglect or are ill and unable to caretake and parent adequately.

All children deserve good mothering. 

All adults deserve to heal from inadequate or abusive mothering.

If you were blessed with a great or good-enough mother, enjoy Mother's Day with the best celebration you can muster.

If you are suffering the loss of a mother, use Mother's Day to remember, reflect, and give thanks.

If your mother did not earn the title of being a mother to you in the way you want, need, and deserve, use Mother's Day to heal a bit more.  Grieve what is needed, let go of what you can't control, reduce your expectations, find an alternate source for mothering, and mother yourself.

The Fetzer Institute has a link to a great exercise on forgiveness.  Try it and see if it helps to heal your hurt.

Whether you had a great mom, a so-so mom, or a broken mom, finding the best way to mark this day is not for wimps.  It takes courage to look your mom in the eye, find yourself reflected, and figure out the best way to honor the gender that gives life.

Any way you slice it, Mother's Day is for everyone.

Here's to the power of women to create and shape lives!

The Saner Living Experience

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Oscar Wilde teaches a lesson in communication

There are lots of issues and solutions flying around my office on any given day.  But when problems and frustrations are boiled down to their bare bones, good old communication is at the root of the problem. 

There are more opportunities for misunderstandings in communication than there are pimples on an adolescent.  Eruptions can happen at the drop of a dime when folks don't take the time to communicate thoughtfully, to express well, and listen deeply.

I am not a fan of Jersey Shore, the reality TV show; in fact, I have never seen it.  I have only seen bits and pieces referred to in articles about the show, but I do have a sense of what it is about and what happens on the show.

It seems that there is alot of emotional flooding and hyper-reactivity going on between the show's characters.  One communication disaster after another.

This send up of the Jersey Shore presented by "The Importance of Being Earnest" on Broadway at Roundabout Theatre Company shows that it's not what we say but how we say it that matters.  Take a look.

I am a firm believer in letting emotional flooding pass so we can think clearly about what is really bothering us.  When we communicate from a place of personal truth and say it without junky emotion connected to it, it's possible to say really tough things and be heard by the other person. 

Of course, I am not talking about insults and meanness.  I am talking about difficult issues and concerns.

So go ahead and get your Oscar Wilde on and see what happens!

That's what I call saner living!

What are your biggest communication challenges?
What is your top strategy for good communication?

Click the comment button below.